Though it sounds simple, many people struggle with mindful communication. It’s too easy to fall into all sorts of negative patterns that derail attempts at productive discussion. How can you ensure that doesn’t happen to you? Here are 6 communication killers to avoid for mindful communication.

BEING SELF-FOCUSED

It’s human nature to focus on yourself, but that’s a surefire way to kill any communication that could occur. When someone is communicating with you, it’s either going to be an equal discussion or it’s going to be an exchange where you take turns listening to each other. Personal bias will never be positive for a discussion!

BEING AFRAID IMPAIRS MINDFUL COMMUNICATION

Mindful communication often involves an element of bravery. You have to step up and be open, just as your discussion partner is. The problem, then, arises when you’re too afraid to take that step and lose positive thinking in the process.

PROVIDING SOLUTIONS

Unless someone is asking for advice or solutions, you shouldn’t assume that someone talking to you about something personal is a cry for your personal help. Your goal should be listening, understanding, and providing support, as you will help them find the solution themselves through their own words, without you ever needing to contribute. When someone communicates, they seek to be understood, not for advice to be shoved down their throats – especially in relationships like marriages.

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MAKING ASSUMPTIONS

Everyone is unique and experiences different situations and life events. Even those who have been through similar experiences to you will have handled, felt, and overcome them in their own individual ways. Generalizing, using stereotypes, and other similar issues will prevent positive communication quickly. With all the diversity and variation in the world, making assumptions is not just unfair, but unwise. It’s rarely ever safe to assume that you know what someone else is thinking or feeling, and these assumptions kill communication.

BEING DEFENSIVE

Not all communication is a walk in the park. Sometimes it can be difficult and personal, and someone can come to you to communicate criticism, negative feedback, or ways you’ve been unintentionally affecting them. But this kind of defensiveness is contrary to mindful communication. You have to accept that conflict is a part of life, and all you can control is how you handle it. If you create more conflict from conflict, then you’ll have an unhealthy, never-ending cycle of anger.

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