Most people will deny the allegations, and some may even become combative at your questions. Others may try to turn the issue back on you and act as if you’re the one that’s cheating. There are ways that these delicate conversations should be had, and counselors have a plethora of experience in handling these issues.

DON’T LET THEM TURN THIS ON YOU

They may state that you haven’t been fulfilling their needs, and you’re cold and distant. While the things in your marriage that have made them unhappy need to be discussed, it’s never grounds or permission to cheat. Tell them that you will be more than happy to work on issues you have, but this conversation is about their infidelities, not your wrongdoings.

STATE THE FACTS

When you confront a cheater, you always start with the facts. Use the hard evidence. You must show them what you know. If you start with suspicions, they will likely shut you down and blow off your fears. Show them any proof you have, take a few deep breaths, and discuss it calmly.

GO SOMEWHERE PRIVATE TO TALK

Now that you’ve got all the preliminary stuff out of the way, you’re ready to confront your partner. If you have children in the home, then you need to have this conversation somewhere else. If there is the potential that they could become violent, then discuss the matter in public. Being in a public place is a good idea in many ways, especially if you want to have a calm conversation. You need to pick a place that isn’t super busy, like during the dinner rush.

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DON’T SELF-MEDICATE

Sure, this will be one of the most challenging conversations you will have in your life. However, if you use alcohol or other medications to confront a cheater, you will only make matters worse. Though it’s painful, make sure that you have a clear head when you talk to your spouse.

GET YOUR EMOTIONS UNDER CONTROL

Many people fly off the handle and want to confront someone as soon as they find out. However, it’s best to wait a while and get your emotions under control before you confront a cheater.

KNOW YOUR PREFERRED OUTCOME

How do you want things to end? If your spouse is cheating on you, do you want them to pack up and leave, do you want to go, or do you want to work on things? It would help if you took the time to evaluate what you want out of the situation. Coming at your partner with a made-up mind will make them know that you mean business. Are they worth it to you? Do you think they’re worth fighting for and are you willing to go to counseling to work things out? If one of your conditions for staying together is counseling, you need to make sure you have everything planned out.

Have you been in such situation before? What did you do?

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